I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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