with your own penis?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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