upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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