The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
