Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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