Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
