Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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