She is in my trunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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