Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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