but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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