My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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