screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
