I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
