Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize