the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
