tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
