I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
