I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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