okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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