Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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