May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
