Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
