I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
