U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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