Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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