Pappa wants mamma naked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
