this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish you could order shots online.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
