Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
