Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
