dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
