so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize