i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
