when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
