I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
