Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
