the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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