So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I could fuck to npr.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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