I CAN MOONWALK!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
