Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
