She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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