Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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