I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
