My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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