Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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