You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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