i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
