We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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