Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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