Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
