My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
