what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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