I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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