I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
