i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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