dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
