I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
