I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
