did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
