We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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