there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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