Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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