I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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