even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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