this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Screwed.edu
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
